My heart has been heavy the last couple of days. I have been wondering what is going on, and hoping that it would come to the surface sooner that later. Well...it came up today. As some of you know, 3 years ago, Bryce and I started wondering why we weren't getting pregnant. We went to the doctor to do some preliminary tests, and they came back basically saying that we would need a miracle to get pregnant. At that point we weren't emotionally ready to pursue a diagnosis.
After our failed adoption of a newborn last summer, we decided that it was time to get a diagnosis to see if with any corrective procedures, a pregnancy would be possible. The test came back the same as they did several years prior, and now it has been a battle with the insurance to get them to cover the necessary diagnostic procedure.
As more time goes by, my hope of ever having a baby dwindles more and more. I am constantly surrounded my amazing kids, and while it totally blesses my socks off, it's also a steady reminder of the emptiness I feel. My heart physically hurts at the thought of never being able to tell people that I'm pregnant, or wondering how I can creatively tell my parents that they will be grandparents.
There is a couple in the church who pray for couples with fertility problems to get pregnant. Every couple they have ever prayed for has gotten pregnant...I think we might be their first failure.
I guess my only hope is that this is part of God's plan for us, and He will use it at some point to help others who are hurting.
