way past my bed time...

Bryce and I are still awake, and waiting for a phone call from Jonathan (Bryce's older brother). Jensen, our youngest nephew went into the ER tonight for possible appendicitis. We have the other 2 kids here at our house, so they could try and get some sleep tonight. I am realizing more and more that it isn't good for me to stay up so late. While I am worried about my nephew, my mind starts to mess with me, and I end up all over the place with my thoughts. Is that something that happens with age, or is that something that happens when you have gone through a lot in your life? And really, I have had a very blessed life comparatively. The more kids I work with, the more I wish I could help them see how a family is supposed to work. That I could show them how God intended a family to look like. That regardless of what they hear at home, they are loved by their heavenly Father. There is so much hurt in this world. I think it's time I sit down and look at what all it is that I am busy with. That seems to be my excuse for everything. "I am just so busy." But really...what the heck am I busy with? I only work part time at a church. Yes it can be exhausting, but it's 2 days total out of the week. What in the world am I filling my life up with? Am I reaching out to any of these hurting people? I think I might start using a journal to record my time. Let's see what I am really filling my days up with. Now of course...there is hesitation in that because I know off the bat what I could be doing less of. We shall see where this goes over the next couple of weeks.

ready for session 1 to start

hello Iowa

off to SOS we go we go

Conan is sporting the "Jerry Garcia" look!!

Wicked was FABULOUS!!!

ready for my girls night out with Ginger and Denise

Oh Nelly...

So we have found a new apartment to live in. There is a mixture of emotions going on right now. There is excitement to move into a new place, there is hesitation because we will be losing more than half of the room we currently have, there is peace knowing that our get out of debt plan is now tangible with the amount of money we will be saving, and there is also a little bit of sadness since this duplex has been our home for the last 2 years. It seems like we have done a lot of growing in this place. This has been my "first" place. I have always moved in with roommates, or moved into someone else's house (Bryce's old house that he and his ex-wife had...another blog all in it self). I was really able to decorate this how I wanted, and see what was "us" and what wasn't. While we say goodbye to this chapter in our lives, we welcome the new chapter with open arms!

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is there anything better?

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the mug I made Bryce

Bryce and I at the Sip-N-Savor in St. James

Random Update...

It has been awhile since I have posted something on the blog...and thus here is the random update. Bryce and I have been super busy with life. My parents came to see us for almost 4 days, and while we did something with them everyday, it was the slowest Bryce and I have gone in months. We were in bed by 9:00 every night, and it was wonderful.
We are coming up to the end of our lease, and we have decided to try and get into something cheaper. We have been in this duplex for almost 2 years, but it hasn't really ever felt like home. Probably because it isn't a home, but still. Bryce really wants to get into a one bedroom because we would save a ton of money. I am going on faith and saying that I will get pregnant within the next couple of months, and therefore think we need to get a 2 bedroom. You will all know in the next couple of weeks who wins based on the new lease we will sign!
The never ending question of whether or not I get a second job is creeping up again. I have been at the church part time for 14 1/2 months now. It has been glorious, but I know I should probably be doing something else. I think it would be good for me mentally as well anyway!
Bryce and I met with the Hoven's a couple of weeks ago for prayer, and it's been like we are newly weds again (not in the sense you think, please remove thoughts from the gutter). God has done a huge work in Bryce's heart and mind, and I feel like he has found his smile again. The stress-or's that are usually there don't seem to be as big of a deal anymore, and he honestly walks around like a huge weight has been lifted off of his shoulders...praise the Lord!
All in all...life with the Stewart's is really good right now!

Lemons Are Sour

My heart has been heavy the last couple of days. I have been wondering what is going on, and hoping that it would come to the surface sooner that later. Well...it came up today. As some of you know, 3 years ago, Bryce and I started wondering why we weren't getting pregnant. We went to the doctor to do some preliminary tests, and they came back basically saying that we would need a miracle to get pregnant. At that point we weren't emotionally ready to pursue a diagnosis.
After our failed adoption of a newborn last summer, we decided that it was time to get a diagnosis to see if with any corrective procedures, a pregnancy would be possible. The test came back the same as they did several years prior, and now it has been a battle with the insurance to get them to cover the necessary diagnostic procedure.
As more time goes by, my hope of ever having a baby dwindles more and more. I am constantly surrounded my amazing kids, and while it totally blesses my socks off, it's also a steady reminder of the emptiness I feel. My heart physically hurts at the thought of never being able to tell people that I'm pregnant, or wondering how I can creatively tell my parents that they will be grandparents.
There is a couple in the church who pray for couples with fertility problems to get pregnant. Every couple they have ever prayed for has gotten pregnant...I think we might be their first failure.
I guess my only hope is that this is part of God's plan for us, and He will use it at some point to help others who are hurting.

Why?!

A friend here at the church as recently lost her husband to cancer. They had only been married for 14 months. Through all of this she says, "I will not ask God why he took my husband because then I would forget about the amazing gift he was to me." I am at a loss for words for the amazing strength and faith she has!

Safe Space

You know when you have a calling in your life, it gets really easy to say, "this is my calling." Over time we tend to lose sight of the importance of that calling. Welp...my calling is to work with Jr. Higher's. That calling has been redefined after spending a weekend with 230 of them in Lake Geneva, WI. I feel like I haven't been called to work with Jr. Higher's, but to do life with them! I feel like I was totally broken for them, and now understand what it means to do battle for them. I have never experienced 200+ kids worshiping our Father the way they did. Every one's arms were raised, jumping, dancing, weeping over the breath taking presence of the Holy Spirit. It was an experience that my words will never do justice. And when it came time for the ministry time, the kids did not look to the leaders for direction. They turned to the person next to them and started praying on their own. Praise God for the mighty strength, faith, and passion that comes from the oh so very awkward Jr. Higher.

just testing the mobile thing out.

Jr. High Winter Blast

So...Bryce and I are taking 7 Jr. Highers to Lake Geneva, WI this weekend for the Winter Blast. I am super excited about going, and taking these 7 youth. I am also excited for Bryce to experience a new type of retreat. He grew up AG (Assemblies of God), so has only been on that specific kind of weekend get-a-ways. I think he is in for just as much of an awesome experience as the youth are!